Happy Birthday!
'Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday TO you. Happy
Biiiiiiiiiiiirthday dear seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeestair HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!' Happy
Birthday Nina. Have a great day!
N x
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Stop me, stop me, stop me, stop me* ...
Uncannily, in the same few days I was contemplating the damage an 'open' blog might have on my career prospects, that very topic was raised in the most unexpected circumstances (no need to bore you with the detail - not relevant). 'Employer's google you, you know'. I've heard about this, and even googled certain individuals myself, but not in hiring situations. I am not sure how convincing my response, but I had one anyway - I've been adding random/ and not-so-random unrestricted thoughts into the open space of the cyber web since 2004. I have my ups and my downs and often they are noted here reflecting me both negatively and positively I imagine. And unless someone is prepared to trawl through almost 5 years of my drivvle in order to reach a balanced appraisal, then any negative assumptions carry no value and the process is flawed. If the process is flawed the whole temple of dollar is flawed, the market place collapses and we are all gonna die ... oh hang on that's all a bit dramatic. Yeh, sorry got carried away. The system can't be flawed. Good people, honourable people destroy whole swathes of the economy every day. Uhhh. pause. Have had a bad day. Received knock-backs from the two main NHS employers in Brighton. An Omen or a twist of fate, which I can wrap around and redesign into an opportunity of my own making ...
I have made a few assumptions of my own anyway; firstly that it is not considered a positive, to have prospective employers be able to dissect you online; and secondly that no employer is going to trawl through a blog; they will instead make a snap judgement ("Fuck the Poor"??!!! Who the hell is this person?!). Perhaps they won't make a snap judgement; perhaps they won't even google my name. They will just read my application and invite me in. Sanity restored.
Either way, I've decided I am comfortable with the suggestion that someone may try and find out more about me online - I have some nice photos ('totally unemployable nut job! but great holiday shots') .. that's a positive, of sorts. As my online dating experience has proven, the web has its upsides .. somewhere out there, there is likely to be someone who might like me just the way I am. The ones who don't, are probably doing the right think by hitting the cross in the top right hand corner. Could it ever work if we are not right for each other? It's not like I am in an industry where one could say 'Jeez I hate his fucking guts but he gets the job done and we all make a shit ton'. And anyway, you should never mix business and pleasure (professional and personal), right? Well, possibly - Finding someone you like isn't (and arguably shouldn't be) high on the agenda when looking for paid employ/ employers. But if that's the case, be a professional, dammit, and don't google me, and make negative hiring assumptions about me based on my personal(ity) stuff.
Oops. Had real moments of clarity earlier when walking up the stairs thinking about how I had to get this stuff off my mind. Now it just feels a bit of a jumble. It's been a long week. I can't sign post the blog more clearly. No comments invited. No outside readership expected. This is for people who know me already, have an interest in my state of mind, and who I don't get time to talk or meet often enough to spill it all out over a brew. And also for those kids, if and when they arrive, who may be interested in how this ageing fart tried to keep his over-active cranial demons in check. Bon weekend tout le monde. N x
* The Smiths (1988)
Uncannily, in the same few days I was contemplating the damage an 'open' blog might have on my career prospects, that very topic was raised in the most unexpected circumstances (no need to bore you with the detail - not relevant). 'Employer's google you, you know'. I've heard about this, and even googled certain individuals myself, but not in hiring situations. I am not sure how convincing my response, but I had one anyway - I've been adding random/ and not-so-random unrestricted thoughts into the open space of the cyber web since 2004. I have my ups and my downs and often they are noted here reflecting me both negatively and positively I imagine. And unless someone is prepared to trawl through almost 5 years of my drivvle in order to reach a balanced appraisal, then any negative assumptions carry no value and the process is flawed. If the process is flawed the whole temple of dollar is flawed, the market place collapses and we are all gonna die ... oh hang on that's all a bit dramatic. Yeh, sorry got carried away. The system can't be flawed. Good people, honourable people destroy whole swathes of the economy every day. Uhhh. pause. Have had a bad day. Received knock-backs from the two main NHS employers in Brighton. An Omen or a twist of fate, which I can wrap around and redesign into an opportunity of my own making ...
I have made a few assumptions of my own anyway; firstly that it is not considered a positive, to have prospective employers be able to dissect you online; and secondly that no employer is going to trawl through a blog; they will instead make a snap judgement ("Fuck the Poor"??!!! Who the hell is this person?!). Perhaps they won't make a snap judgement; perhaps they won't even google my name. They will just read my application and invite me in. Sanity restored.
Either way, I've decided I am comfortable with the suggestion that someone may try and find out more about me online - I have some nice photos ('totally unemployable nut job! but great holiday shots') .. that's a positive, of sorts. As my online dating experience has proven, the web has its upsides .. somewhere out there, there is likely to be someone who might like me just the way I am. The ones who don't, are probably doing the right think by hitting the cross in the top right hand corner. Could it ever work if we are not right for each other? It's not like I am in an industry where one could say 'Jeez I hate his fucking guts but he gets the job done and we all make a shit ton'. And anyway, you should never mix business and pleasure (professional and personal), right? Well, possibly - Finding someone you like isn't (and arguably shouldn't be) high on the agenda when looking for paid employ/ employers. But if that's the case, be a professional, dammit, and don't google me, and make negative hiring assumptions about me based on my personal(ity) stuff.
Oops. Had real moments of clarity earlier when walking up the stairs thinking about how I had to get this stuff off my mind. Now it just feels a bit of a jumble. It's been a long week. I can't sign post the blog more clearly. No comments invited. No outside readership expected. This is for people who know me already, have an interest in my state of mind, and who I don't get time to talk or meet often enough to spill it all out over a brew. And also for those kids, if and when they arrive, who may be interested in how this ageing fart tried to keep his over-active cranial demons in check. Bon weekend tout le monde. N x
* The Smiths (1988)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Happy Birthday Yani-Chan!
nine. neuf. nueve. neun. девять. nove. kyuu. nio. negen. there you go. 9 different ways to say NINE ... Today! Enjoy the music and movie and have a great day. NMF xxx
ps - can you guess all the languages above? answers by email ...
nine. neuf. nueve. neun. девять. nove. kyuu. nio. negen. there you go. 9 different ways to say NINE ... Today! Enjoy the music and movie and have a great day. NMF xxx
ps - can you guess all the languages above? answers by email ...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Ssssssssssssssssssssssssss
sssoooooooo long. London. placed in folder marked history. Let's see what the next episode has to offer. fresher air, if nothing else. "La la la la la ..." (Dr. Dre)
sssoooooooo long. London. placed in folder marked history. Let's see what the next episode has to offer. fresher air, if nothing else. "La la la la la ..." (Dr. Dre)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Fuck the Poor
not to put too fine a point on it. Well we're all aware of the sentiment but interesting, if a little mind-boggling for me in parts, to look at it from a rather unexpected perspective, in this guardian article, summarised deftly below:
The world's all messed up and gone to pot.
not to put too fine a point on it. Well we're all aware of the sentiment but interesting, if a little mind-boggling for me in parts, to look at it from a rather unexpected perspective, in this guardian article, summarised deftly below:
"The result is a unique society in which we have free enterprise for the poor and socialism for the rich."
The world's all messed up and gone to pot.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
why. enough. why
After sending out new address on south coast, I recently had a lot of replies and conversations starting around why I have decided to leave London. Easy and quick response, I said. I've had enough. Interestingly, to me, no-one yet has asked why I have had enough. knowing nods and glances - everyone knows the relative hardships of the daily grind in London and assumes that that's it. However I have found it interesting that no one yet has explored beyond the initial 'had enough' statement.
So, me being me, that got me thinking and delving deeper into how I would reply if and when asked that question. And I realised that I myself had not fully explored in any depth, the reasons why I have had enough. There are the obvious candidates; failed marriage to Londoner; a fairly ongoing yearning for nature and, specifically, the sea in the last 6-7yrs; never completely satisfied in career. But as I pondered on the subject and an uncomfortable truth hit home - I am lonely. And have been for quite a while. Not the sort of thing one wants to acknowledge or accept about oneself, but there it is. The signs have been there for years I guess. How many times and to how many people have I mentioned my regret at never having had a 'local', with everything that having a 'local' pub entails. And I guess the synthesis of all this thinking was M pointing out how happy I am around family and how I 'crash' shortly after, mostly coinciding with return to London.
Re-reading this, it sounds sad doesn't it. sympathy not required or desired. just telling it how it seems and feels - my latest mind dump. What does all this mean? Not sure. No glib concluding summary, which is why I'll never write for the Guardian, however it does raise thoughts about what life has meant to me over the last decade and what it, perhaps, should have meant. With London came thoughts of career, ambition, success (for all, sic. money although £ never a single conscious goal) - and for most living the london 'thing', some or all of those are anathema to a life lived in the provinces. The realisation that my needs are more 'simple' - happiness, family, contentment (for all, sic quality of life) seems to jar with my idea or experience of what is possible, for me, from a life in London. I find myself in a position today, where it feels like it's one or the other. Many can have both in London. I am not one of them - my experience shows I should add, not by design. I am not a London hater per se.
I find the saddest thing in all of this is that I am sitting here, weighing the sum of a big chunk of my life, but only in terms of success or failure; and that I'm left exploring my need to define and categorise myself accordingly. I don't want a legacy. Just a 'life' until death. And yet I can see how my actions over years, and years have been (and continue to be) dictated and framed by those two words, which when you step back and think about them, are quite fluid and therefore abstract in their meaning and interpretation. Hmmmmm.
Pause. Rewind. Press Play.
After sending out new address on south coast, I recently had a lot of replies and conversations starting around why I have decided to leave London. Easy and quick response, I said. I've had enough. Interestingly, to me, no-one yet has asked why I have had enough. knowing nods and glances - everyone knows the relative hardships of the daily grind in London and assumes that that's it. However I have found it interesting that no one yet has explored beyond the initial 'had enough' statement.
So, me being me, that got me thinking and delving deeper into how I would reply if and when asked that question. And I realised that I myself had not fully explored in any depth, the reasons why I have had enough. There are the obvious candidates; failed marriage to Londoner; a fairly ongoing yearning for nature and, specifically, the sea in the last 6-7yrs; never completely satisfied in career. But as I pondered on the subject and an uncomfortable truth hit home - I am lonely. And have been for quite a while. Not the sort of thing one wants to acknowledge or accept about oneself, but there it is. The signs have been there for years I guess. How many times and to how many people have I mentioned my regret at never having had a 'local', with everything that having a 'local' pub entails. And I guess the synthesis of all this thinking was M pointing out how happy I am around family and how I 'crash' shortly after, mostly coinciding with return to London.
Re-reading this, it sounds sad doesn't it. sympathy not required or desired. just telling it how it seems and feels - my latest mind dump. What does all this mean? Not sure. No glib concluding summary, which is why I'll never write for the Guardian, however it does raise thoughts about what life has meant to me over the last decade and what it, perhaps, should have meant. With London came thoughts of career, ambition, success (for all, sic. money although £ never a single conscious goal) - and for most living the london 'thing', some or all of those are anathema to a life lived in the provinces. The realisation that my needs are more 'simple' - happiness, family, contentment (for all, sic quality of life) seems to jar with my idea or experience of what is possible, for me, from a life in London. I find myself in a position today, where it feels like it's one or the other. Many can have both in London. I am not one of them - my experience shows I should add, not by design. I am not a London hater per se.
I find the saddest thing in all of this is that I am sitting here, weighing the sum of a big chunk of my life, but only in terms of success or failure; and that I'm left exploring my need to define and categorise myself accordingly. I don't want a legacy. Just a 'life' until death. And yet I can see how my actions over years, and years have been (and continue to be) dictated and framed by those two words, which when you step back and think about them, are quite fluid and therefore abstract in their meaning and interpretation. Hmmmmm.
Pause. Rewind. Press Play.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Murray stuns Nadal to reach final
Gosh. And a sports story that got TOP of the bbc news website to boot.
well .. i thought it was worth a post. On yer. altho i still want roger to win. Allez, roger.
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